Mushroom Tart

The humble fungus is yet again transformed into something quite remarkable here.  With the help of a little cheese and a nice flaky crust, it is no longer humble but a dish fit for a king, or not, depending on your view of the monarchy.

Did you know that there are only 44 countries with monarchies left in the world.  Sad in a strange "Good-old-days-of-lopping-off-people’s-heads" sort of way.  What is really sad is 16 of those countries are countries that actually recognize Elizabeth II as the head of state. 

How much do we really pay attention to these monarchs anymore?  The Queen of England, yes because she has a huge press.  The Emperor of Japan because he is awesome.  The Sultan of Brunei because he is richer than G@d.  The King of Saudi Arabia, because he is an absolute monarch in a world of faux democracy.  Pope Benedict XVI, because well he is the Pope.  Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands, because she is cool and one of the few monarchies that has passed from female to female for a while.  Prince Albert II of Monaco, because his mother was Grace Kelly.  But who really gives a rats botukkus about the King of Belgium or Norway.  Spain?  Really?  One of the most powerful monarchies in the world reduced to staring blankly on the Plaza Mayor on major holidays.  Andorra?  Well Andorra has two "Co-Princes" but no one cares, the country has the longest standing army in Europe and yet not one person has bothered to invade in the past 700 years.  Why?  Does it suck that bad?  No not really it is just that perched on the border between France and Spain in a fairly rugged environment anyone with any sense has just gone around it.  Besides it is the Delaware of Europe, the state that everyone forgets exists.

Speaking of Emperors, and I don't mean that horrible situation with Emperor Maximilian of Mexico, the United States once had an Emperor, though I am not sure many people paid attention to him outside of the bay area.  The history behind Emperor Norton is a little obscure, but what we do know is that in 1859 he declared himself Emperor of the United States and demanded that Congress be dissolved by force.  One has to assume that despite this military coup d’état he must have been a likable guy.  For his lodging, food, clothing and other needs were met by the citizens and businesses of San Francisco.  The newspapers even printed his decrees, and he had plenty of them including a subscription for a new Imperial wardrobe.  A subscription that apparently was very successful, there are beautiful photographs with him in his regalia with medals issued by the city of San Francisco. 

There is one thing you can say about Emperor Norton I; he reigned for 21 years and though he may have been nuttier that a squirrels wet dream, during that time he caused no wars to be fought, he didn’t fritter away money on scorpion pits and the latest torture devices nor did he cause any rival claimants to the Imperial throne put to death.  All in all not bad for an emperor.

I wonder if he liked mushrooms?  The Emperor Claudius did, which was a bit of a mistake.  Well, actually his mistake was marrying Agrippina the younger, who just happened to be the last remaining sister of Caligula (and Claudius’s niece ewww…icky).  Supposedly she dipped the mushrooms in poison and then fed them to the aging doddering Claudius who promptly died.  Agrippina then elevated her son Nero, (yes that Nero) by a previous husband, to the Imperial throne.  Something she may have regretted later as he decided to have her killed.  At first he tried to give her the dignity of dying in an accident, however she proved a little hard to kill.  First he tried poison, but she took so many antidotes she was immune (well she did have experience in that field).  Then he invited her out to his villa at Capri and sent her home on a special Imperial Barge, that was designed to collapse when well out to sea.  Unfortunately for little Nero, mommy could swim, and did so, making it to the shore a little shaken up but unscathed.

She probably figured out that she was a target, as one of her ladies in waiting was in the water and was clubbed to death in the water by the oarsmen, because they mistook her for the dowager empress and had been paid to knock her off at any cost.

Next the ceiling of her bedroom was designed to collapse upon her as she slept. Somehow the plan was leaked to here and she stayed somewhere else. At this point, I think Nero had enough of her Houdini like great escapes and sent three assassins to outright kill her. Which they did with delightfully methodical precision. 

If this all sounds a little fantastic, it is because most of this history comes to us by anti-Nero authors. Each has their own little story with miraculous escapes and sensational tales of “’Orrible Murder!”.Personally I think it is extremely likely that Nero did bump off his own mother; he wouldn’t have been the first nor was he the last. There are days when I know just how he felt. 

Okaaaay, on with mushroom tart! 

Ingredients for 6 marshmallowy peeps

1 Pound of mixed mushrooms, wild and domestic

1 Tablespoons of butter

¼ Pound of fontina. mozzarella  or Swiss cheese cubed

Pastry for a one crust 9 inch pie

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Grease a 9 inch pie or flan pan, line with the pastry and trim away any excess. Prick the bottom of the pastry all over with a fork, cover with a sheet of parchment or greaseproof paper and fill with dried peas or baking beans. Bake for 10-15 minutes. Then remove from oven and turn oven down to 375 degrees.  White the pie shell is baking heat the butter in a large skillet and add the mushrooms, cook until mushrooms are soft, stirring often. Remove from heat and wait for pie shell to finish baking if necessary.  Remove dried peas or ceramic baking beans from pie shell, remove parchment or greaseproof paper.  In the skillet quickly mix the cheese into the mushrooms and pour all into the pie shell, bake at 375 for about ten minutes till cheese is melted and the top is lightly browned.