Swiss Patty Recipe

There is a legend that the hamburger bun was created in Portland Oregon in the late 1920’s by Franz Bakery for Yaw’s Top Notch Drive in. Now before I get the angry emails, everyone knows that White Castle was selling hamburgers on small buns by 1921. We are talking about the regulation sized 5 inch hamburger bun that we all know and love or something today.

I didn’t say it was a good legend.

If you don’t believe me look it up, I have two sources. So Meh! Meh!

Yaw’s supposedly came up with the idea of the thick milkshake, but I think that is a load of bull hockey.

It is interesting that whenever I mention Yaw’s to people who have lived in the Portland Area for more than twenty seven years (They closed in 1982) they get sort of misty eyed. Most people remember two things first: the burgers and the Gravy Fries. Then I usually have to pull up a chair and listen to how wonderful the burgers were, and of course stories about the tootsie roll cop. (for more on the tootsie roll cop, read any number of books on Portland's recent history. He was before my time here.)

Well, not that I don’t have time for them but the Yaw family are a little sue happy so that is the only mention I am going to make before I wind up in court for saying a talked to someone who had a fond memory of “Common Law Copyrighted Name” restaurant on...such and such streets... well I could tell you the old address but then I would have to kill you.

A restaurant claiming to have the recipe for the Yaw burgers opened in the past few years in Portland, it closed its doors soon after.

As far as I know the recipe for the "Best Burger in the Northwest" is still in the hands of the family that gave us the hamburger bun.

So we are stuck here with the simple patty melt. This is a recipe my mother used to make her burgers. And if you can cook this on a grill do it. Burgers are always better cooked over a real flame. Flame on! Flame on; this reminds me of the first time someone called me a flamer. I had no idea what they meant by that, though at the time I was wearing an earring made out of a carrot, making mayonnaise and drinking a two pint bloody Mary. It may have been morning? In fact I am sure it was morning if I was making mayonnaise (and no, making mayonnaise is not a term for anything, it really means making mayonnaise.).

Well today lets make a good burger rather than mayonnaise, because mayonnaise is kinda yucky. I eat it don’t get me wrong, and there are stories about me and mayonnaise sandwiches and mayonnaise spaghetti. However, it is wrong looking stuff, and if you have ever been unfortunate enough to get a bit on the counter and have it stick over night till it turns into that see through gelatinous goo? Ick.

Ok, moving on to good burger:

2 Pounds of beef

One quarter cup of fine chopped onion

2 tablespoons of Worcestershire sauce

3 Tablespoons of ketchup

1 teaspoon of garlic powder

1 Teaspoon of salt

½ Teaspoon of pepper

2 Egg yolks (Yes egg yolks, you can leave them out, but it really holds together nice with the yolks added)

How you do this? I tell you now:

Mix this entire lot up in a bucket, a clean bucket mind, and then refrigerate for about 20 minutes to firm up a bit. Taste for seasoning (Ah, ha! See I almost gave you salmonella and e-bola or e-coli or something, ha ha! Seriously this is important DO NOT EAT THE BIG WHITE MINT, what? NO that was a line from Roadhouse, I’m sure it was, anyway: DO NOT TASTE RAW MEAT AND OR EGGS<> If you want to die, just call the cops and barricade yourself in your home with a stock pile of weapons. It’s called suicide by cop and it happens every day.

Cook on grill, under broiler or in a skillet till interior temperature reaches 160 degrees. While burger is cooking heat up some butter or olive oil in a skillet. Add the sliced mushrooms and sauté until their liquid has been released and evaporated.

While each burger is still cooking top with a portion of the cooked mushrooms and a slice of Swiss cheese. Continue to cook till cheese is melted, serve on buttered toasted bread. With condiments on the side, practice safe lunch people, use condiments.

My little extra:

I finish today with something that might seem a little off for me and my rants, however these are the questions that run through my head before I fall asleep tonight:

Did you hug someone today? Did you tell someone they mattered? Did you tell someone you cared? Did you tell someone you loved them...a child, a parent, a spouse, a friend or a lover? Did you give a penny? Or pretend that you had no change? Did you notice that the leaves are turning while the roses are still blooming? Or did you ignore the sunrise to water the household plants? Did you laugh of your own volition? Or did you force it to fit in? Did you pick the super triple cheesy mondo burger over the green salad? Did you remember that you are important to those around you? Did you remember to love yourself?

Love yourself, love your spouse, love your parents, love your friends, love your distant relatives, love your pets, love your plants, not in this order but in any order you see fit, and moisturize, I cannot stress this enough, moisturize.

If you are lost in the world, don't play with other peoples hearts, you will only hurt...yup that is the end of the statement.

And moisturize you festering sons of beach balls!