Heidi, now there is a depressing story. For some reason I actually liked it , even though I believed Clara needed a good hiding, and fit it into my storybook collection between the Swiss Family Robinson (Whom my Mother Despised) and the Happy Prince (Which my mother also despised). Both of which I adored. Personally I hated the Wizard of Oz, (The book not the movie). It scared the living poo out of me with all those flapping monkeys and witches getting squashed by flying houses. Enough to make any not well adjusted child go spare.
Well it doesn’t help living in Scotland, where there are “Wee Beasties” and “Little Folk” around every corner. The types of fairies that they talked about in Scotland were not your dew drinking, glitter spreading, tutu wearing, Disneyfied fairies. They were the soul stealing, army of the dead raising, murdering you in your bed type of fairies, just ask anyone with the last name MacLeod (Pronounced MackCloud). Their blood was said to be black and boiling hot, they snatched infants from their cradles and smothered them in their swaddling clothes. No wonder I’m disturbed.
Anyway back to Heidi, Clara, Peter and the Goats n’stuff. Do you know the story? No? Well here is the quick version:
There is Heidi and she is like 4 or 5 or something and she’s an orphan (Typical), her aunt gets sick of raising her and dumps her on Heidi’s reclusive Grandfather that lives in some mountain shack in Switzerland. He pretty much hates her, and she befriends some poor peasant schmuck Peter, who happens to be a goatherd (not a herd of goats, a guy who herds the goats. Why? I have no idea, kicks?). So anyway over the years Heidi learns to love the goats and the mountains and all that. Her grandfathers icy heart melts, yadda yadda yadda (Ok, you with me?). Heidi’s aunt comes back and is like “Yo, I got a place for Heidi to live in Frankfurt with some handicapped girl named Clara and her parents, and they are like totally richer than God so it’s cool”. So Heidi goes off to hang with this Clara chick, and Clara is like totally dissin’ Hedi’s mountain ways, and there is this mean a$$ housekeeper Frauline Rottenmeier who is a complete Bi-yatch. Clara learns how to have fun even though she is gimpy and Heidi learns how to read and write and then gets totally down with the syndrome. So Some Quack Doctor shows up and says she should go back to the mountains. So she buggers off back to her Grandfathers shack, and reads to Peters blind grandmother and other worthy stuff. Then the Quack Doctor from Frankfurt sends Clara to visit Heidi for some reason and they have to lug her all over the place because duh! Its the freaking mountains! Peter the goatherd gets all pi$$ed because Heidi and Clara are always hanging out and he feels totally neglected so he throws Clara’s wheelchair off a cliff, nice Heidi sure knows how to pick ‘em. So Clara ain’t gots no wheelchair so she has to learn how to walk, and they find out that she can and she has been faking or something so they end up throwing her on a bonfire and feasting on her flesh.
Ok, I made up the last bit. Clara learns how to walk and they all live happily ever after until they died of tuberculosis (Or was that La Boehme?).
Well here is an unusual salad combination using some ingredients referenced in the story. Or at least in the innumerable film and television adaptations.
Apple Grape and Swiss Salad:
2 Red Apples Halved
1 Tsp of lemon juice
1 Minced Shallot or green onion (White part only)
1 Cup of white seedless grapes halved
3 Ounces of Swiss cheese or Ementhaller
½ Cup of plain yogurt
Grated rind of one orange
2 Tablespoons of orange juice
Chopped Walnuts
Slice apples very thin and toss with the lemon juice, cut the cheese into matchstick like strips, mix the apples, shallot, cheese, and grapes. In a separate bowl whisk together the yogurt, orange peel and juice. Place some of the fruit mixture on a serving plate or bowl and top with the yogurt dressing, sprinkle chopped walnuts on top. Serves four.
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