Flats and Flatbread

There are problems with living in a flat, some small some large. I happen to be lucky that I can’t hear the neighbors, and that everyone gets along. There are still issues however, besides the fact that the dishwasher is always on the fritz, and that you have to duck under the counter when you turn on the garbage disposal in order to not get a face full of slick pureed former yumminess. (Remember kids, if it comes from and animal it does not go down the garbage disposal, only vegetable matter. Except potato peels, and rice, and celery ribs, or onion skins, or corn husks, or string beans, or flour, or cornstarch, or parsley (really gets stuck in there), radish tops, carrot tops or peelings, squash skin, garlic skin, mushy peas, beans (Of any kind, especially the kind that make you toot), lemon peel, grapefruit peel or hell an citrusy peel, apple cores, stinging nettles, mandrake root or Jessica Simpsons brain; I mean come on, that has to be vegetable matter.).

Not to mention the one burner on the cooker that seems to always decide not to work. The three places I have lived in the past seven years all had one burner that for some reason is potty. Most recently I was amazed and horrified as the burner turned white hot suddenly had a bright magnesium flash and buried a piece of the coil a half inch deep into the wall behind me after singing my eyebrows. Who said cookery was boring? Now I approach the cooker sumo style and we have reached an understanding of sorts.

Ah, and the joys of laundering your clothes with 19 other people with interesting hygiene habits. Just why would you wash a pickle? Really, why? Do you have a problem with pickles being unclean? Was it not kosher enough? If so I do understand (we had to have both a Seder and an Easter Dinner in the same week this year in the same house without burning the kitchen to the ground and starting over). Then of course you think well it must just have been an accident, but that just brings out a whole host of horrible questions. Did someone just happen to have a pickle in their pants pocket? I can see it now:

“Pleased to see me?”

“No that’s just where I keep my snacking pickles.”

That being said, why would you wash a pickle and then leave it in the washing machine? Did it not smell as downy fresh as you expected? There is a trash can right there? Why did you leave your pickle for me to clean up? Why? Do you hate me that much?

Well speaking of flats, here is another type of flat. Flat bread with dog food on top! Well not quite. These are a recipe that I begged off of my old Armenian piano teacher’s wife; Lahmajoon, or Armenian Pizza if you will.

These are just as good topped with a black olive tapenade, or a puree of chickpeas garlic and tomatoes, as they are here with a meaty topping. The meaty topping is more traditional and can be replicated using a vegetable based ground beef substitute such as Boca™ Ground Crumbles or Smart Ground™

These are really easy if you follow this short cut and don’t bother making a yeast dough and waiting for it to rise and blah-blah-blah…

Ingredients:

3 cans of refrigerator biscuits

1 pound of ground beef or lamb or one of the above meat substitutes

1 bunch of green onions chopped

1-3 cloves of garlic minced fine

1 tsp of cumin

1 tablespoon of chili powder

Pinch of cinnamon (Not a slap of cinnamon, a pinch)

1 Teaspoon of dried basil (Or one tablespoon chopped fresh )

1 bunch of parsley chopped fine (Flat or Italian if possible)

1 teaspoon of salt, ¼ tsp of black pepper

1 small tomato chopped

1 small can of tomato paste

*Note: The seasoning is up for debate, you can add a little more a little less, they are great with fenugreek or with oregano and less chili powder, they are also just as good with pasta seasoning or taco seasoning mixed in.

How you do this? I tell you now:

Preheat oven to 400

Mix everything but the biscuits in a bowl and mix well add a little water if necessary to make it of spreadable consistency.

Remove the biscuits from the can and separate, press between the palms of your hands into ovals about 3 by 2 inches. Place on an ungreased cookie sheet and using a flat knife or rubber spatula spread each with about 2 tablespoons of mixture, bake for ten minutes, reduce temperature to 350 and cook five more minutes till meat is cooked through and slightly brownish. Just before serving drizzle with a few drops of olive oil. Great with a little yogurt sauce, or salsa or on their own hot or cold, they freeze well and travel well, I took some to work tuesday in a Ziploc bag yummers.

Makes 30 2x3 inch pizzas or Lahmajoon, which will all disappear before your very eyes.

A robust red wine is a fine accompaniment to these.

For variety add a cucumber garlic and yogurt sauce to spoon on at serving time.

Here is a quick cucumber yogurt sauce:

1 cup plain yogurt

2 teaspoons of lemon juice

1 cucumber ends cut off and grated

2 cloves of garlic minced fine

Mix all up in a bowl, keeps for one or two days in the fridge, also super with shish kebabs, Gyros, meatballs, falafel and as a salad dressing.

Makes about a cup and a half.