In the mists that slowly meander from the befouled river, silently swirling in endless forms, here and there a shape that just might…might possibly; just possibly…resemble another shape! Oh horrors! What hath hell brought fourth? These laborious thrashing movements of its squat bloated form fill my throat with bile! I watch transfixed and motionless, while my ears are filled with the extreme pounding silence of the mist, and the squelching flatulent fiend slithering up the river bank. A haunting moan carried on the fetid wind begins. A sound that starts in the pit of one’s stomach roiling like and angry sea and ends in eldritch caverns beneath the conciseness of mankind. There is evil in the air. Evil so degenerate it seeps into the world from darkness from before the “Old ones”, and long before he who shall not be named. The air is tainted with evil, so thick it can be tasted and felt rolling across the tongue in a murderous ride, like gym sock sweat and Crystal Pepsi. The moon is still hidden behind her veil of clouds, shrouding herself against the implicit doom that is awaiting us below. But, now the moon! Behold the startling gibbous Moon! The clouds have torn themselves away; shimmering silver light falls, falls upon the loathsome slime ridden creature! Ahhhhh it’s a Fat German Middle Aged Tourist in a teeny tiny Speedo! My tribute to H.P. Lovecraft, sorry Mister Dead Dude... I still think it’s scarier than Cthulu. So today it’s Weiner Schnitzel! Partially in honor of the upcoming Lovecraft Festival here in sunny Portland, partially because I love the all you can eat schnitzel bar at Oktoberfest (They have deep fried Oreos too!).
Served with happy noodles tossed with butter, parsley and caraway seed, oh and some peas
Buy flat scaloppini of veal or pork. Place between sheets of cling film.
Using a small saucepan or a mallet beat the hell out of it till it is about ¼ -1/8th of an inch thick.
Dredge in flour, then in beaten egg, then in bread crumbs seasoned with stuff. Salt, pepper and parsley are good, you don’t want to over season. It’s German food after all. Give em’ and inch and they take over Poland.
Fry this in butter, till nicely browned on each side, serve with the noodles and either a slice of lemon on top or a lemon wedge for squeezing.
If you want to go all out Make a sauce of 1/3 cup of butter and a teaspoon of lemon juice, melted together and sprinkled with a little chopped flat leaf parsley.
Okay, to make the noodles cook ½ a pound of fettuccini in boiling water till al dente, drain and then toss with about 4 tablespoons of melted butter, ½ a teaspoon of caraway and two to three tablespoons of flat leaf parsley chopped. Serves four marshmallowy not about to invade Poland at all peeps.
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