Ok so this was supposed to be the blog for the weekend, oh well get stuffed!Chili? Cincinnati Chili? I was asked? I always thought that Cincinnatus was a pillock, but hey what do I know, judge for yourself, his story follows. (Oh and I apologize for the photo, a friend really wanted her Ukrainian tablecloth on the web. For Ukrainian recipes and stories stay tuned, we have catastrophes of them! Literally.)
Cincinnatus was an old Roman aristocrat who bummed around in the 5th century BCE. He gets on the wrong side of the senate because his son Caeso (is that pronounced Say-so? I believe it is) is a real basty nastard to everyone that was not born filthy rich, or at least not filthy rich and titled. So he does some illegal stuff, well duh he is a senator. Eventually the senate gets their togas in a twist and decides to sentence Say-so to death by boning, though I could have read that wrong, may have been stoned to death, what a way to go! Oh, apparently I misinterpreted that too...
Any-howdily-doodle Say-so knows the fuzz is on him and does a runner, going undercover as a badger just north of the Po River. Well Pappy Cincinnatus has to pay this gi-huga-mungous fine that totally bankrupts him which is ironic because politically he, like his son hates peasants. Is that a really a crime? I mean really, they leave feathers all over the place, you can only shoot them at certain times of the year and they taste like old boiled boots…or is that pheasants? A hunting license is a hunting license, peasants/pheasants you still have to pluck them in the end.
So a few years go by and Cincinnatus is living on some dirt farm in the Roman equivalent of Kansas, plowing away at some field. Rome is at war with everyone as usual and it is really sucking. Finally the senate being all fat and old and rich just give up trying to do anything and decide: “Hey, that dude whose career and life we ruined? He would be a sweeeet dictator! YAY and then we don't have to take responsibility for this festering pus filled Hades on earth we have created!”
So a a group? Delegation? Coven? Cesspool? (What is the collective noun for a group of senators? I will just go with my gut here.) A bowel movement of senators shows up while Cincinnatus is plowing his field and are all like: “Yo, Dude you have totally been elected dictator because we are at war with all these b!t@#es and most of the army has been whacked, and the generals don’t know whether it’s ar$eholes or breakfast time.” Cincinnatus buggers off to Rome and gets everyone (Read: "Everyone hanging out at the pubs") together to form an army and goes off to crush their enemies and drinks wine from their bloody and mutilated skulls! Well not really, though he was victorious. Supposedly Cincinnatus was merciful to the defeated army but this is the fifth century BCE, crucifixion was considered merciful considering how long it could take you to snuff it with an enthusiastic Senatorial aide in a well equipped torture chamber. Well the enemy is defeated and Cincinnatus makes the enemy leaders limbo under some crossed pilums, well something like that anyway. So having saved the day like Mighty Mouse, he steps down (Probably on a plebeian’s head) and sods off back to Kansas.
What has this got to do with chili? Well Cincinnati Chili is the theme of the day and we wouldn’t have the town of Cincinnati Ohio without him. Well it would probably still be there unfortunately. However it would have a different and possibly silly name like Terentillius Town, Ipheelbum or Usmelllikecheez, Ohio. I don’t really know if I would want to write about Ipheelbum Chili, it sounds super freaky nasty.
Then again if you are not used to it so does Cincinnati chili. All I know is that somewhere along the line, some drunk sod poured chili over the top of his spaghetti and smothered it with cheese, the rest as they say is history. (Ask me about Emperor Commodus, Numerian or Pertinax, I dare you!)
Ingredients:
2 Pounds of beef
2 onions chopped
1 Clove of garlic
2 Tablespoons of vegetable oil
2 Cups of Beef stock
1 Can tomato sauce
One bay leaf
3 Tablespoons of Chili powder
1 teaspoon of cinnamon
1 ½ Teaspoons of Cumin
1 Tablespoon of cider vinegar
1 Tablespoon of unsweetened cocoa powder
¼ Teaspoon of allspice
Hot sauce to taste
LOTS of Shredded Cheddar Cheese
One pound of uncooked spaghetti
Chopped raw onion and Kidney beans if desired
Method:
Brown the beef, breaking up with a wooden spoon, in the oil and add the onion, garlic and chili powder. Cook for 5 minutes. Then add the stock, tomato sauce, bay leaf, cumin, cider vinegar, all spice. Simmer over low heat for an hour and a half to two hours.
Cook the spaghetti according to package directions. Place a serving portion of spaghetti in a bowl, top with cheese to make a three way chili. To make it a four way chili add chopped onions on top of the chili, and then the cheese. To make a five way chili add onions and kidney beans and then smother with cheese, lots of cheese…Serves six to eight usually, but sometimes less, depends on how a) Hungry b) Depressed c) Drunk you are when you serve it up.
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